I'm not a branding expert and I'm certainly not a marketing "guru" (whatever the hell that means), but for the past couple of years, I diligently studied my own companies brand - watched it being shared, spoken about and interpreted. I've also been pitched by plenty a brand and from this I've taken away a number of lessons. So lets cut to the chase and start sucking at branding:
Start by automating all your tweets and facebook updates. You don't actually need to visit your Twitter account, just use a free tool to schedule tweets in the future and automatically tweet your blog posts. This way, instead of looking like a human, you'll appear as a one-dimensional robot.
Push, Push, Push
Push your message on everyone. In fact, why not just hold them down and beat it into them. Don't worry about listening. Just keep on sending out your message, over and over again - even if they don't want to listen. And don't waste your time promoting and helping others, just focus on yourself. You're a busy person!
Just Design a Logo
Branding isn't hard. All you need to do is design a logo that relates to your company. Its all in the name! Don't worry about what your company stands for or what experience you want to offer people. Just come up with a catchy name and post a project on 99designs to get a logo done on the cheap.
Target the Cool Guys
You're a busy, important person. Just find the 10 most important/cool people in your circle and make sure you ram your brand down their throats. Don't worry about expanding to network outside this circle. Its a waste of time.
Did I mention you're busy. Let some PR company handle your branding. They'll get a nice generic logo designed for you by some freelance graphic designer, and they'll take some nice profile shots of your uber cool founder. Then they'll launch a "social viral interactive marketing experience" (youtube video), to help spread the word. You don't have to do anything. In fact, why not retire to an island and be a recluse.
See branding is simple.
photo by - -Devan