I’m not a branding expert and I’m certainly not a marketing “guru” (whatever the hell that means), but for the past couple of years, I diligently studied my own companies brand – watched it being shared, spoken about and interpreted. I’ve also been pitched by plenty a brand and from this I’ve taken away a number of lessons. So lets cut to the chase and start sucking at branding:
Automate Everything
Start by automating all your tweets and facebook updates. You don’t actually need to visit your Twitter account, just use a free tool to schedule tweets in the future and automatically tweet your blog posts. This way, instead of looking like a human, you’ll appear as a one-dimensional robot.
Push, Push, Push
Push your message on everyone. In fact, why not just hold them down and beat it into them. Don’t worry about listening. Just keep on sending out your message, over and over again – even if they don’t want to listen. And don’t waste your time promoting and helping others, just focus on yourself. You’re a busy person!
Just Design a Logo
Branding isn’t hard. All you need to do is design a logo that relates to your company. Its all in the name! Don’t worry about what your company stands for or what experience you want to offer people. Just come up with a catchy name and post a project on 99designs to get a logo done on the cheap.
Target the Cool Guys
You’re a busy, important person. Just find the 10 most important/cool people in your circle and make sure you ram your brand down their throats. Don’t worry about expanding to network outside this circle. Its a waste of time.
Outsource It
Did I mention you’re busy. Let some PR company handle your branding. They’ll get a nice generic logo designed for you by some freelance graphic designer, and they’ll take some nice profile shots of your uber cool founder. Then they’ll launch a “social viral interactive marketing experience” (youtube video), to help spread the word. You don’t have to do anything. In fact, why not retire to an island and be a recluse.
See branding is simple.
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photo by – -Devan
8 Comments
Nice. Now that I know how its done, I ask my self why I am working so hard. It is all so easy. Thanks for your wisdom. Have you ever thought about spreading your word via mass emails to automatically collected random email addresses?
what a great idea. And while I’m at it I should cold call a bunch of random people as well
I suppose I’ve been doing it all the wrong way. Thanks for enlightening us, Anthony!
Hi Anthony,
Nice! I knew it was simple. Thanks for making branding simple for all of us
Ever thought about taking this on the road and doing a conference tour as well as the suggestions made by Markus?
Adrian
Crazy, I wrote a ten ways to lose twitter followers and some of this appears in my list. I too am no branding expert but pushy sales people get no where near as many sales as those that solve problems.
He he! I need to do some more ramming
Hi Anthony,
have you tried a national campaign of TV adverts with an excruciatingly irritating storyline whilst still maintaining your normal track record of crappy customer service?
Tha will make your brand really suck!
Awesome dude! Just brilliant. Branding is what people feel about you – simple, right?